The weird bit in-between

A bit like drifting

This is a weird time for me. I mean, I guess it’s always a weird time, really, but right now is especially so. My book, HARU: Book 1, came out in Hardback in the US and Canada a week or so ago. Which is wildly exciting. In a weird twist of serendipity I also handed in the artwork for HARU: Book 2 on the same day. I love moments like that, where fate seems to stack up. I remember the day my Mum passed away, the very next morning Banksy had revealed a new mural yards from house, and a horrendous storm rolled through town. I walked in that rain, I think I needed that storm.

However, back to now, this is where it gets weird, for me at least… reviews have started creeping in for Book 1. They’re mostly positive (thank you for being kind!), though I must admit, it’s the horrible ones I read first. It does hurt, to read negative comments about something I’m so proud of, though I think my instinct pulls me in that direction because deep down I believe every negative thing said about me. It’s a thought-process I have to actively battle every single day. I torture myself and end up just looking away, pick up a book, or a pencil, and just do something else.

So it’s like I’m drifting right now, because my book is out, but it’s not out here in the UK, for another couple of weeks. It’s strange, because I worked SO hard on Book 2, but now that’s somewhat out of my hands, and I sit here and bask in negative reviews.

Anyway, here’s the first page from inside Book 2.

FWIW, Book 1 has mostly 5 star reviews (on Amazon, which I wish didn’t matter), and that is absolutely wonderful. I firmly believe that it’s far better to be loved by some, than liked by all. I’m sure Ed Sheeran disagrees, but when you’re trying to make art, and trying to understand yourself and the world that little bit better, not everyone will see things the same way, especially when you’re an sensitive oddball.

Another element to add to these feelings of being adrift, when I handed in the artwork for Book 2 (which I admit, was a few months later than I was supposed to), I had to jump straight onto freelance work, because I haven’t earned any money for months due to working on the book. This is a double edged sword, as I genuinely could not be happier than when I’m working on the book. I really think they are the best days of my life (for a great many reasons). I just haven’t earned any money for months, and the next advance doesn’t come until the artwork for Book 2 is approved, and I was late delivering it so money was stretching thin, yada yada yada. I can cope with that, it’s just my freelance work is predominantly web development, and it really makes me sad. No matter how hard you work on it, it’s never enough. If you deliver it earlier than expected, it was really hoped for even earlier.

Now I only have a couple of weeks until the Paperback is released across the US, Canada, and the UK. So I need to try and prepare, promote, and build up to the launch. It’s just so hard to do everything. I would also add in to the mix; parenting. It’s been hard lately. My son had Pneumonia recently, which knocked us all for six, and his sleeping has been crap for weeks, again. I often think to myself ‘I’ll catch up in the evening’ but by the time evening is here, I really only have an hour or so to do anything, and I can’t concentrate on a film, or read a book, my brain is just decimated.

Anyway, I don’t really know the point of this post, if any of you read this far, thank you so much for sticking with me. I often get ‘the fear’ when it comes to posting on social media, I wish it was empowering and exciting, and brought us all closer together, but I think the gears have been set to push us all apart, aside from the occassional lottery whereby new celebrities get made overnight. I don’t know how to be myself in those grounds at the moment.

So back to it, I guess. Time to pick up the pen and start writing and drawing.

Thank you, friends. X